Customers shouldn’t call the shots in an emergency

The bubbles in the glass of champagne being poured foamed up, necessitating a slight tilt and then a full stop to let them subside before continuing on. Sometimes pleasure must be delayed in order to be fully gratifying.

The couple pawing each other in front of the bartender didn’t seem to know that. But, not all things are everything to everyone.

A couple of after-work women and a couple of after-work men bordered the couple on both sides. It could have been any single weeknight ever — except that it was raining. And it was raining hard.

“Out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini” might be one of the most timeless lines ever uttered. Whether it was Robert Benchley or Alexander Woollcott who wrote it first, or Mae West or Charles Butterworth who said it first, has always been less important to me than who said it “best.” And that’s always dependent upon who you are.

But this night was going to have a different wrinkle — or to be more precise, a different twinkle. The lights blinked twice in rapid succession and then went out.

Restaurants are loud. Outside of the dull clinks that glassware and plates make, there’s also the music, refrigerator noise and fans.

“EEEEEEEEEE!” shrieked a woman over at table 22.

And then there’s that.

The silence following a power outage is deafening. Nothing quiets things down like a hum followed by absolute silence. But nature abhors a vacuum and sound was quickly reintroduced into this void of noise.

“EEEEEEEEEE!”

Nobody really knew what she meant by that, but when it became evident the lights weren’t going back on, certain safety protocols had to be introduced.

Restaurants can be dangerous places when the power is out. Those ovens, stoves and deep fryers in the back need evacuation fans. And while safety lights go on, there are no safety fans. It is not unusual for the temperature in a kitchen abruptly devoid of power to increase by 10 degrees almost immediately.

Throw into that mix lighted steps, steps in general, ADA doors, elevators and a whole host of other things and things can quickly go from bad to worse.

“We need you to pay for what you’ve had up to this point,” said the bartender to the couple still sipping their champagne.

“But we’re not done,” said the man.

“I’m sorry, but we need to collect for what you’ve already consumed, and then we need you to leave,” said the bartender.

“I don’t understand,” said the man.

“The power’s out,” said the bartender, pointing out the obvious.

“So what?” replied the man. “Just light some candles.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” replied the bartender, desperately trying to process all the remaining payments on the point of sale system before its short battery shelf life ran out.

“We can’t cook anything in the kitchen,” said the bartender. “It’s not safe.”

“But we ordered salads,” replied his female companion, her lipstick smeared slightly onto her cheek.

Emergencies create unusual situations in the hospitality industry. You have to balance the needs of the business with the safety of the guests — not to mention your own personal safety. I remember sitting in on a safety meeting at one of my first restaurant jobs. It was a minimum wage job in a greasy spoon. And in the event of a fire, the company wanted us to stick around in the burning building and help everyone else get out.

“What about us?” I remembered thinking.

“I need some more chardonnay,” said the previously shrieking woman in the present, while tottering over to the bar with her half-full wineglass in her hand.

The server looked at the bartender and shrugged that shrug that says “I already told her” more eloquently than words ever could.

“We can’t serve anymore,” replied the bartender.

“Why not?” she asked.

By now, the managers were running around opening doors for ventilation, extinguishing open flames and ushering people out of the building. There’s a difference between panic and determination, but the problem is that without panic many people don’t respond at all. And that’s a problem.

Meanwhile, the woman was waving her wineglass in front of a different bartender who was visibly shaking his head side to side in the dim light of the emergency lighting.

The sinking of the Titanic might be one of the largest hospitality emergencies/disasters ever recorded. And we all know how that turned out. Most of the first lifeboats weren’t even half full. The band played on, and people refused to leave.

Leaving me with these thoughts:

• The customer is never right during an emergency — just saying.

• About half of the people who died on the Titanic were crew members (75% of the total crew). Of the other 800 people who perished, two-thirds of them were third-class passengers (75% of their total). Ironically, all the lookouts and all the quartermasters employed by the Titanic survived.

• There were 20 lifeboats on the Titanic. The lookout who first spotted the iceberg was in the sixth one to leave. I guess someone didn’t attend the safety meeting.

• Having to explain everything to everyone is the veritable recipe for a disaster.

• If the power goes out in a restaurant, please pay and leave as quickly as possible. It’s not just your safety that’s involved, it’s also the safety of the people trying to keep you safe as well.